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I'm with my baby and children beside me, and suddenly there isn't enough oxygen to breathe

If I don't get the oxygen I need, I am of no use to anyone

It's the same when it comes to selfishness. I am always looking at my actions and my desires
to figure out where they are coming from and if they are proper. And it took me some time and
backbone to realize this, but ultimately, it isn't an action that is selfish, it is the motivation behind
the action. It is not what you are doing, but why you are doing it.

I don't believe there is any absolute way that any specific action can be judged selfish or
selfless. The very same action could be completely selfless in one person, completely selfish in
another. What it boils down to is not whether you're doing something for yourself or not, but why
are you are doing it. Are you doing it for yourself at the expense of another, or are you doing it for
yourself for the benefit of another?

If I do something for myself before I take care of my children, and it is because I care more about
myself, my needs, my desires--then that is selfish. If by taking care of myself first and keeping
them waiting only I gain, then it is wrong. However, if I am doing something for myself first so
that ultimately I will be able to help my children, and they will benefit, then it is not only not
selfish, perhaps it is essential, both for their health and my own.
It's not whether you're doing something for yourself, but why

Now we can take this analogy even a little further. Because, after all, the oxygen we need to
survive is not just the physical oxygen. Each person has his or her own individual needs in
terms of the space, time and circumstances required to feel healthy. No one can judge that for
someone else. And a person must first fill his needs before he can help another. Notice that I
said, "needs" and not "wants." We are talking about what is essential--what is required to live
and be healthy. These are not luxuries, these are necessities, though my necessities may vary
greatly from yours. The important thing is that we both figure out what it is we need to ensure
that we acquire it.

And like the Torah instructs us in regards to tzedakah (the mitzvah of giving charity), as great as
it is to help people throughout the world, charity starts at home. First you help yourself, then your
family, then your community and then society at large. Just like on the plane, first put on your
own mask, then your children's and then help the person next to you or in the aisle behind.

But then again, hopefully there will be no need for any of this. Hopefully it will be a smooth ride
the whole way and those little yellow cups will stay tucked up behind that secret trap door. And if
we are really lucky, we won't even have any turbulence. So buckle your seatbelt, relax, and enjoy
the flight!

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By Sara Esther Crispe   More articles...  |   RSS Listing of Newest Articles by this Author

Sara Esther Crispe, a writer, inspirational speaker and mother of four, is the editor of
TheJewishWoman.org. To book Sara Esther for a speaking engagement, please click here.

Chabad.org, and is produced by Chabad.org.
  
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